Under the Skin, starring Scarlett Johannson

Under the Skin, starring Scarlett Johansson, is a horrible, steaming-pile-of-horse-manure of a movie. When I went to see it, I told the ticket taker, “This thing has 'sucks' written all over it.” When she asked “Why,” I said, “I always get suspicious after reading a review and still having no idea what the movie is supposed to be about.” She offered, “Well, I heard it wasn't plot driven.” Fair enough, there's room for that in this universe.

But there isn't any room for bull shit. Or for expecting an audience to follow a serial killer without any clue as to what her motives might be. Not only wasn't this “plot driven,” it wasn't character-study driven either. It's hard to have sympathy for, or try to get into the head of someone who would murder a man who tried to save a drowning couple, and drag his corpse away while leaving the couple's baby alone and crying on the beach. [Note: This hero ended up exhausted on the beach from his rescue attempt, only to have this alien bash his head in with a rock.]

Johansson plays the role of a woman who picks up men, brings them to her place, and sinks them into a pit of black liquid. As soon as the first guy enters her house, we see that her lair is dark with a shimmery black “floor” that only he sinks into as she lures him on by taking off her clothes. If I was some guy entering such a house, I would ask, “Say, don't you have any furniture? Strange crib you've got here.” As for these guys sinking slowly into this “floor,” they show no fear as they submerge. I guess we're supposed to assume they're hypnotized into blah acceptance, but I found even that assumption hard to buy.

Critics have spoken of this movie having a hypnotizing effect, but I found it a crashing bore. Yeah, it had some nice cinematography, but I've seen other films even more visually stunning but...far less hyped. And maybe that's what bothered me most about this – the hype. Hype is one of the worst diseases of our culture – right up there with government spying on citizens and the various wars we get orchestrated into. According to Rotten Tomatoes, out of 148 reviews, 86% of movie critics liked it – of which 71% of the top critics gave it a thumbs up. Of the less than 14,000 audience members who posted reactions, 63% said they liked it.

But perhaps there's hope after all. Since its release on April 4, this slap-in-the-face of a movie earned only $1.4 million at the US box office, as of April 27. Maybe We-the-People aren't so stupid after all.

As for some critics calling it one of the best sci-fi movies they've ever seen, they've obviously never seen Primer, Crono Crimenes, or Solaris (the pre-George Clooney version). I loved SJ in Girl with the Pearl Earring and as the voice in Her. But if she dares commit another cinematic crime of this magnitude, I'm going to write her off and throw my patronage to more serious, talented, unsung actresses with integrity.

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Steven Searle, just another member of the

Virtual Samgha of the Lotus and

former candidate for US President (in 2008 & 2012)

Contact me at bpa_cinc@yahoo.com