That's what I thought when You first ordered me to build an Ark, since You were about to destroy all of the world's living beings. I tried to wrap my mind around that but was too overwhelmed by the awfulness of it all. Especially for the sake of the animals who wouldn't be brought on board the ark. What did they do to deserve death by drowning?
I know I should have been thinking of all of the people who would perish, people whom You called wicked. So why did the animals come to mind? I asked if You could have merely willed the wicked off the face of the earth. With all of Your power, I wondered why You felt it necessary to flood the world. That seemed like overkill to me. I thought, "Surely my Lord must be testing me." But even if You weren't, there was no way I could be a party to such a massacre. You said I was the only righteous man left in the world. That must mean, You at least respected my judgment, my ability to tell right from wrong. And what You were proposing was certainly wrong - no two ways about it.
Which is why I thought You were testing me. And I still think You're testing me, but it's hard for me to bear Your absence and Your silence. You used to walk with me, which made me want to please You with the best behavior I could muster. Maybe the world wouldn't have degenerated into such an evil state if You had walked with the others. Many others. I don't understand Your aloofness and Your apparent indifference. In Your Holy Presence, say in the middle of a raging battle, I know soldiers about to kill their enemies would behold Your Holy Countenance and would drop their weapons and drop to their knees, asking You for forgiveness for what they were about to do.
But You were nowhere to be found, except - on occasion - with me.
So I told You I would not build the Ark. But I also said I would not advise my sons to also refuse should You decide to order them instead. I simply said No, turned my back on You, and walked away. My aim was to live in the wilderness but You had other plans. I didn't get far, when all of a sudden I found myself in total darkness without any bodily sensation. My feet didn't feel the ground they might have been standing on. I didn't even feel that I still had feet.
You surrounded me with Void, so now I ask a favor. If You intend to keep me in this state forever, I ask that You dis-create me. Rather than punish me for eternity, I would rather "become" as if You had never created me in the first place. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust - it is written. But the truth is: Nothingness into somethingness back into nothingness if Your humble subjects should request this - and if You should approve.
You told me of this ark I was to build and of details concerning my survival at sea. I had a dream that I slaughtered animals from among the ark's passengers so as to make for You a burnt offering. I know this is a common practice dating back to the first family. But in my dream, I saw the faces of the other animals as I killed, gutted, cleaned, and then roasted the sacrificial animals. Those onlooking faces were so sad, I vomited with disgust upon waking from this dream. If I could be so disgusted, how not You? Who could think You could possibly be pleased by the scent of roasting animal flesh?
Of course I don't know if You went ahead without me and flooded the world anyway. Maybe You decided to also destroy my sons and their wives, deciding to start all over again and create a new Adam. I found myself hoping You would never tell him what happened to his predecessors. Best to let the new Adam think he is the only Adam. Or maybe You decided not to flood the world, instead deciding to adopt my suggestion that You walk more frequently among men - as many men, women, and children as You could.
Maybe someday I'll be allowed to know what You decided. After You finish testing me. You are testing me, aren't You?
Hello, Hello?
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Steven Searle, just another member of the Virtual Sangha of the Lotus and
former candidate for President of the United States of America (in 2008 and 2012)
"I got to thinking of this whole Noah's Ark episode when a very Christian friend of mine concluded, 'Whatever caused that Flood wasn't the Lord God in Heaven - there's simply no way He would have murdered all of those innocent animals."
Contact me at bpa_cinc@yahoo.com
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