IDEA: I propose a variation of the famous “Mayhem like me” commercials in order to promote my candidacy for US president in 2012.
Background
Dean Winters is featured in about a dozen TV commercial spots for Allstate Insurance. His recurring theme is, “Buy Allstate Insurance and you can be better protected from mayhem like me.”
My takeoff would be: “I’m a politician.” More on that, in a moment.
If you’ve never seen any of these (usually) 30-second spots, I’ll share my top five favorites. I’ve seen the one about the “world’s greatest Douglas fir” about a dozen times in movie theaters. And I enjoyed that one each time I saw it – simply brilliant. Winters’ opening lines are:
“I’m the world’s greatest Douglas fir”
“I’m a wild deer”
“I’m your lucky team flag”
“I’m a filthy rich executive.”
“I’m a teenage girl”
My takeoff
Dean Winters is wearing his usual black suit, standing at a podium in an outdoor setting. This is obviously a press conference with lots of cameras and a crowd of boisterous media types anxious for a story. Separating the group from the podium is an open space of about ten feet.
Opening shot shows this entire scene, but pans to one reporter who shouts out, “Senator! Senator! What do you have to say for yourself?”
Camera shows head shot only of Winters but his face starts morphing as he speaks (though his voice doesn’t change). The faces shift from the likes of Nixon, John McCain, Bush II, Barack Obama, John Boehner, LBJ, etc.
“I’m a politician. I will raise your taxes with impunity. And I will lie, cheat, and scheme to get my way. I’ll campaign to get your vote and then break my promises whenever I find it convenient. But no matter how much you hate me and how much I break your heart, you’ll always vote for me. And I dare say all this in public because you have no real choice. There is nothing that can protect you from mayhem like me.”
With camera still on Winter’s face, the only sound is the slow clomping of an unseen horse’s footfalls. And, camera still on his face, we hear the clanking of armor. Camera pans from Winter’s face to the media crowd, which has parted to allow for a white knight in shining armor to advance toward the podium. Knight has a lance, at the end of which flutters what appears to be a banner. When knight is close to the podium, he extends his lance toward Winters who asks, “What’s this?”
The knight says, “Read it and weep.”
Winters takes the banner, which is a piece of paper with writing on it. He reads it silently to himself as we see his lips move. Then he stares into the camera – no facial morphing this time but looking fearful – holds up the paper and says, “This can protect you from mayhem like me.”
Turns out “this” is a copy of an electoral contract, an innovation I introduced when running for US President in 2008. The ending voiceover, recited by another voice (off-camera) says as we see a freeze-frame of Winters’ face:
“Never take a politician at his word, unless it’s in the form of a written contract*. He violates that contract, he loses his office. It’s about time voters got some protection against the worst mayhem of all – unaccountable politicians.”
Concluding thoughts
Yes, I know this is pushing the envelope. The original commercials weren’t so wordy; their brevity gave them punch. However, I was hoping to inspire you – the creative commercialists out there. [Way more creative than I am.] Political advertising doesn’t have to be stodgy and humorless. What I’m trying to promote is a radical approach with real potential to level the campaigning playing field. I will never have the millions of dollars the other guys have. But I hope to overcome with quality and flair what my opponents have in massive bank accounts.
If you have any commercial ideas, I’d love to hear about them. Or better yet: I’d love to get an email from you saying, “Look what I’ve posted on YouTube.” That’s another area in which my campaign will be unique. I don’t insist on controlling the message. No one will ever have to run anything by me. I consider all of you to be my independent co-conspirators, who will know how to say what needs to be said. And how to show it.
I trust you.
Steven Searle for US President in 2012
Founder of The Independent Contractors’ Party
“Skeptics might say, I’m opening myself up to those who might produce bad spots that intentionally sabotage the message. I’m willing to take that chance.”
Contact me at bpa_cinc@yahoo.com
* “written contract”: See http://ind4prez2012.blogspot.com/2010/09/written-political-contracts.html
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