Somewhere, starring Dorff and Fanning

Recently released movie:

Somewhere

Written and directed by Sophia Coppola.

Starring Elle Fanning and Stephen Dorff.

In 25 words or less: Seeing movies like this makes me wonder if Hollywood is running out of ideas.

I don’t know what Coppola was thinking when she wrote this screenplay. Maybe she was actually trying to say something. If so, I’m afraid it was (to borrow the title of her earlier effort) Lost in Translation.

I just plain didn’t get it. Which made me think: Maybe there was nothing to get. Maybe Coppola was just being very general and didn’t have any thematic point to make. Which is sad, considering the existential crisis Dorff’s character appears to have approached at the end of the movie. He surely could have used some solid advice. I think anybody could have made a better suggestion than, as Coppola did, by saying in effect: “Just get out of your car, leave the key in the ignition, and walk away. Just walk down that endless country road.”

If Coppola thought she was helping this poor soul, she should make a sequel just to make her point clearer. Maybe she could call it Somewhere Else. Or, if she decides instead to go the Sci Fi route, she could call it Somewhen Else. This could pick up where Somewhere left off, only we could be treated to time travel sequences showing how a guy could fix things, “If only I knew then what I know now.”

The opening scene and the end scene in Somewhere both show Dorff alone in his car. In the opening, he’s driving around a circular course (going around in circles…get it?), which Coppola felt obligated to spend a lot of footage on. At the end, he’s driving on the “straight and narrow” country road, far from the polluting influences of the big city.  Sorry, that bit about him deciding to walk the “straight and narrow” was, I’m sure, absolutely unintended. I rather suspect Coppola didn’t know how to end Somewhere, though of course she had to end it (you guessed it) “somewhere” (or more accurately Somehow).

When I saw her dad’s movie, Apocalypse Now, I was thunderstruck on the terrible ending. It seems, at least with this current effort, Sophia suffers from the insufficiency.

Don’t get me wrong. Somewhere had a few delightful moments and the casting was wonderful. Although, I hasten to add here: “I wish critics would stop Fawning-over-Fanning. She showed promise, but her actual performance was competent…and that’s all. And in this day and age, that’s lofty praise indeed.” However, “a few delightful moments” and competent acting does not a movie make.

The key failing, apart from the lame ending, was the sheer airheadedness of the Dorff character. The chemistry between him and Fanning was sweet, but that was all. He seemed like such a shallow, uninteresting human being, I can see why Coppola didn’t know what advice to give him to turn things around. In fact, this might have made a far more interesting movie if his daughter had been able to give him some advice. You know, from the mouth of babes comes wisdom. However, though Fanning was shown as his intelligent 11-year-old daughter, Dorff was so dim, there was nothing she could have possibly said to trigger the light bulb in her old man’s head.

A few closing observations:

That scene where dad makes sure daughter is asleep before answering a knock at his door. Some local prostitute had come by prearrangement so dad could have sex while daughter was asleep in another room. The “lady” even joins them for breakfast, much to daughter’s obvious disapproval. How tacky! And insensitive. And unnecessary: He could have arranged for this encounter at any other time and place. The movie makes clear he has no problem getting laid with a large number of willing ladies.

Maybe one of the saddest aspects of this movie? Elle Fanning would not be able to witness this slog, since it’s rated R.  That is, unless her parents or guardians took her, since she’s not 17 yet. Come on, people: In real life, she’s 12-years-old.

However, maybe there’s a silver lining to this cloud. When Elle is old enough to see this movie on her own, maybe she’ll end up throwing popcorn at the screen and yelling, “This sucks. I could do better.” Frankly (at least as far as the ending is concerned), just about anybody could.

Steven Searle for US President in 2012

Founder of The Independent Contractors’ Party

“It’s sad that anybody would actually spend money to see this thing when there are so many really great movies out there.”