Inauguration Day in the Land of Differences

Inauguration Day, January 20, 2013, will be very different, if I am elected as your next President:

The first difference:

It will not be held in Washington, D.C. It will be held in the exact geographic center of the lower-48 states, which is near Lebanon, Kansas, symbolic heartland of the United States. I thought long and hard about how to compensate Alaska and Hawaii, since they’re excluded in this determination of “exact geographic center.” I will offer my first two State of the Union addresses on their soil. 

The second difference:

Who will swear me in? The United States itself will. Picture this: A sculpture of an extended arm appearing to have risen from the earth (made from the soil of the heartland itself), made the same way children create sandcastles at the beach, which will have a holy book in its open palm.

The third difference:

This holy book will be a Buddhist “Bible,” not a Christian one. When Presidents are sworn in, they don’t have to use any kind of holy book. I will, though; choosing that text which is my holy book: The Lotus Sutra, as translated into English by Burton Watson. I, as a practicing Buddhist, recite from this at least 30 minutes per day.

The fourth difference:

I will not conclude my oath of office with, “so help me God.” Instead, I will conclude with, “...so help me. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.” N-M-R-K is a basic Buddhist prayer and vow, which I chant on a daily basis, meaning: “I devote myself to the Mystic Law of the Cause and Effect Teaching.” This will serve to remind me that all Presidents must be mindful of the causes they put out, since karmic effects are inevitable and liars are always punished (I’m thinking of you, George). As are false prophets of “change you can believe in” (I’m thinking of you, Barack).

The fifth difference:

There will be no stage with honored guests and dignitaries seated above everybody else. Think of a circle, with that arm I’d mentioned earlier being in the center. That circle would consist of me and 12 randomly-chosen citizens joining hands and facing that arm; we 13 symbolizing a new beginning for this country, much the same way the original 13 colonies symbolized a new beginning over two centuries ago. Outside this circle will be all guests (everybody’s invited), without any special arrangements made for so-called VIP’s (in my eyes, everybody is a VIP).

This would mean no special consideration or space allotted for the media (sweet!).

On Second Thought…

I had posted this “Land of Differences” piece (above) in pretty much the form you’re reading now – back when I was a candidate during the 2008 cycle. [This was on a now-defunct forum called Gaia, but I had also published in a local college newspaper.] Back then, I kept waiting for someone to object, to say “yeah, but…” For instance:

- Lebanon is so far away – being in the middle of nowhere*, it would be a long trek. [*Humorous aside: I am not calling the US “nowhere.”]

 - Lebanon can get awfully cold in the middle of January and doesn’t have the advantage of ample warm-up places for a massive crowd of visitors.

 - Maybe the Inauguration should be held in the geographic center of (all 50) United States, which is near the town of Belle Fourche in South Dakota. [Not only is that even more isolated than Lebanon, Kansas, I’m sure a lot of French-hating jingoists would have a problem with the name: Belle Fourche is French for “beautiful fork” which, by the way, isn’t referring to a dining utensil.]

 - Maybe the Inauguration should be held in the “population center” of the United States, as opposed to the “geographic center.”

All of these are good points. However, I’ll stick with my original choice of Lebanon. Mostly for sentimental reasons, though another pops sheepishly into mind: It never occurred to me that a 50-state center was calculable; and the “population center” option (frankly) occurred to me just now. Oh, well.

I didn’t overlook more practical considerations, though. I thought of the impact a huge crowd might have on the (admittedly few) residents of Lebanon. Not to mention, how to provide a way for this crowd to warm up after standing in the cold for any appreciable length of time. In answer to these issues:

- Provide warming tents and personal, battery-operated heaters (for rent), based on donations I would seek in advance.

 - “Suggest” to the Kansas state government: “Pass some kind of crowd control legislation, with proper enforcement, to limit the size of the crowd that could descend upon Lebanon.”

 - Charge some kind of clean-up fee to attendants, so as not to leave this small town trampled and littered by the festivities.

Sudden Brainstorm

As I said, I had written most of “Land of Differences” years ago. However, while updating this, I thought of two interesting twists. The participants would be chosen by lottery in advance for these post swearing-in activities:

- I would like to host several limited-size groups for informal chat sessions.

 - I would also like 100 citizens (one at a time) to “administer” the oath of office to me. Each would have a card from which to feed me the oath, a few phrases at a time, and I would sign that card for them as a keepsake.

As an added bonus, if any one of those 100 would like me to add “…so help me God” to the oath, I would do so. I would also be agreeable to placing my hand on a Bible or a Quran (“…so help me Allah”) or almost any type of holy book. I could even conclude with “…so help me ______,” filling in the blank with the name of whomever is swearing me in.

I would not, however, conclude with “…so help me Prince of Darkness,” since 99% of my fellow citizens would freak out. And that would be the only reason.

I would not personally have any problem swearing such an oath, since I would be addressing the Buddha-nature of the Prince and not his dark side. For the record, I am aware that “pundits” like Rush Limbaugh et al will mercilessly rake me over the coals for this. But I went ahead and said it anyway…which shows how little I think of, or fear, Rush.

Steven Searle for US President in 2012

Founder of The Independent Contractors’ Party

“I fancy that such an Inauguration Day could well be the grand beginning to a whole new way of doing business” – Steve.