I wonder what Sarah Palin would look like with a Pudding Face. In case you haven’t seen any of these disgusting & creepy Jell-o Pudding Face commercials, these two clips are worth a licking (I mean, a looking):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyKhP6x0tXE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRWMq32PyHE&feature=related
NEWS FLASH: It has recently been revealed that the Joker in the 1989 film version of Batman did not fall into a vat of chemicals. It was a vat of Pudding or rather an experimental batch of Pudding’s precursor. Happily, many of the bugs have been worked out of that formula, or else we’d all be running around for life looking like Jack Nicholson’s Joker…assuming, that is, that all of us would eat this stuff:
A Repeated Appeal
I’ve made this appeal to you numerous times before, but I’ll repeat it again: I’m looking for artists and other creative types to transform my scripts/suggestions into commercials or YouTube clips. What follows would support my candidacy for the US presidency in 2012 by caricaturing my GOP opponents. If you, on your own, decide you want to “Pudding Face” Obama via Photoshop, be my guest. But I think your efforts would be better spent on the stable of GOP pretenders. Why? Practically speaking, Obama would be far more vulnerable to a stone-cold sober look at his track record and broken promises.
Short and Long Versions
An easy and brief way to exploit the Pudding Face theme would be to start with a narrator saying: “Now here’s a face you can trust, one that has ‘sincerity’ written all over it.” Then an image of Michele Bachman in full rictus grin appears saying: “Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come down below $2 a gallon again.* And that’s no laughing matter.”
Or we could feature Governor Perry saying, “I believe Texas has the right, unique among the 50 states, to secede from the union if it wants to.** [Pause] But at the moment, I’m having a problem saying that with a straight face.”
However, I think “Pudding Face” can be better exploited in a longer format. Something along the lines of “The Last Supper.” I’ll explain.
The Last Supper
Scene: A table set for 13 places as in the famous painting by da Vinci, with the middle place unoccupied. Seated at the other 12 places are GOP candidates having assembled for a private, untelevised retreat. This occurs several months into the 2012 campaign season, by which time the candidates have agreed to an informal meeting of the minds. The “Last Supper” format was agreed upon to add an air of seriousness, to help assure that the words spoken would be those suitable for utterance in the presence of the Son of God.
Rationale: The campaign has taken its toll on all of the candidates – they’re tired and they’re crabby. In the name of unity, they decide to speak frankly to each other without aides, advisors, or any kind of audience. They want a Republican to win in 2012, and they know they have to collectively figure out a way for that to happen.
Unfortunately: An aide had the bright idea of leaving each of them a serving of Jell-o Pudding before he left their presence. It doesn’t take long, after they eat their share, for things to take a turn for the worse.
The scenario unfolds: Chaos ensues as each looks at the others and starts laughing, as all except Palin realize s/he too looks like a Joker. Bachmann could even say to Romney, “Better watch out, Joker. I heard Batman’s looking for you.” But she’s quickly admonished by Ron Paul who says, “We can’t be talking that way about each other… seriously.” All heads turn to Paul and say in unison, “Seriously?” And then they burst out laughing as they point at him.
Bachmann holds up a mirror for Paul to see how ridiculous he looks, and he too bursts out laughing.
Palin grabs the mirror, saying, “Give me that.” Before holding it up to her face, she says, “Mirror, mirror in my hand, who’s the fairest in the land?” When we see what she sees – her face in the mirror – she shrieks in disbelief, “Noooo!” – as the others fall silent.
“We’ve got to find a way to lose these silly grins” – Gingrich.
“You’re right. How can we get down to business looking like this?” – Huntsman [speaking in Chinese, subtitled in English].
“Let’s have none of that, China man. We speak English here.” – Perry.
Huntsman bows and says, “So solly.”
“I know how to wipe off these grins. Just say something that will make us serious or angry. [pause, then angrily…] Hey, better that than this [pointing at his own ear-to-ear smile].” – Gingrich.
“I know! In your face: Jesus Christ was a Black man. I heard that from no less an authority than WikiLeaks” – Cain.
“And you are the walking mark of Cain, a stain on the whole GOP” – Santorum.
“Have you ever googled the word ‘santorum’?”– Palin [giggling]. In subtitles, we see this (from google):
Santorum 1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum.
“Let’s not get into that” – Romney.
“I should hope none of us would ever want to get into that” – Ron Paul says, looking at Rick Perry. Brief silence, then everybody bursts out laughing.
“Wait a minute. Why should we worry? This shit will wear off, right? Then we’ll get down to business” – Perry.
“It won’t wear off until the price of gas goes under $2 a gallon, right Michele?” – Gingrich.
Rick Perry explodes with, “You mean it won’t ever wear off!?”
“Come on, Tex, lighten up. I was just joking” – Gingrich.
“What we should do is pray for guidance.” – Cain.
“I know! Let’s pray for the empty place of honor at our table to be filled by that which is the true spirit of the Republican Party” – Palin, gesturing toward the empty seat meant, symbolically, for Jesus Christ. They all bow their heads and before long, a spirit manifests itself.
[I’m not sure who that spirit should be,
so I’ll offer two possibilities.]
The first possibility – Adolph Hitler
“Are you the true spirit of the Republican party?” – Bachmann.
“That’s a matter of opinion. But I'll give you some advice, which is also what you prayed for” – Hitler. He looks disdainfully at the Pudding on his plate, and eats it. The others try to stop him with words of warning, but to no avail. He briefly breaks out in Pudding Face, which quickly disappears.
“My advice to you: Do what I just did – use a little force of will to overcome any obstacles you might face. Even if that obstacle happens to be your face itself.” [muttering] “You people are too soft to lead a great nation. You totally lack discipline.”
The second possibility – a visitor from a roughly parallel universe
A man appears dressed as a Pope. Perry says, “Who you supposed to be, boy?”
“I am known as Pope Simony Simon the Parsimonius.” [See two definitions below]
DEFN: Simony = the buying or selling of ecclesiastical privileges.
DEFN: Parsimonious = extreme care or reluctance in spending; frugality.
“Your name is really simony?” – Romney asks, incredulously.
“Yes, which just goes to show the true miracle of my elevation. If a guy named Simony can become Pope, anything’s possible.”
“Describe your world, where such a thing is possible?” – Huntsman.
“I come from a place, not so different from this place, where simony isn’t considered a bad thing. Everything is for sale and everybody knows it, the only question being, ‘Is the sale good for both buyer and seller?’ As for me being ‘Parsimonious,’ I may expound ‘extreme care or reluctance in spending,’ but that doesn’t mean I won’t spend at all or even spend greatly if the potential profit is also great.”
“So what is your advice to us, Pope Simony Simon?” – Cain.
“If you – and by ‘you,’ I mean the GOP – want to take the White House in 2012, you’ve got to forge unity among yourselves.”
“What kind of ‘unity’?” – Gingrich.
“The kind of unity that will wipe those silly grins off your faces. Look, counting me, there are 13 people here – that’s enough for a coven. Join hands with me and pray for success. But include a willingness to pay any price. Deal or no deal?”
With a freeze fame of the entire group, this is a good place to end.
Other actors
I only identified 9 of the participants in this Last Supper, but certainly more could be added to make an even dozen. Though undeclared, these three would be good sources of comedic material: Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, and Chris Christie.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
** Governor Perry believes this, but didn’t utter these exact words.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Steven Searle for US President in 2012
Founder of The Independent Contractors’ Party
“In the name of comedy, I have no problem pushing the envelope. The same could be said of my determination to explore all ways and means of undermining the Two Party system which is destroying this country.” – Steve.
Contact me at bpa_cinc@yahoo.com
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